Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
