You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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