Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
