a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
