I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
