New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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