So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
