If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
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