Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
