Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
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