I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
did you just send me my own nude
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
