Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
