sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
