All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
