My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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