I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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