Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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