I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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