my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
