I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My ass is underappreciated
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
