my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
