Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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