3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
