I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
