I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
