Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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