Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
