I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The best revenge is premature balding
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
