Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
