You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
