it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
did you just send me my own nude
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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