This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize