Your tits are I can't wait for
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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