no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
