I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
