you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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