Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
