Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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