did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
