i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
