all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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