My hand turned me down
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
