Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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