i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
