NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
