ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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