I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I understand Curling. That high.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
