WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
