I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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