I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Actions speak louder than pants.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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