He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
