I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
