Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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