Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
