Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
