It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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