it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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