I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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