i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize