And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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