Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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