when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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