there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
