you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
