shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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