the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
