All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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